I could not have done this blog without the help and inspiration of my brother, the 'QuoteMan'

My brother has a freaky characteristic that few know about besides family and close friends that are exposed to this wacked-out talent I am about to discuss. One could call it an anomaly even. He can quote any line from any movie he has ever seen even if he didn't like the movie or only saw it once. One might call it a phoNographic memory. You know the battle of wits scene in The Princess Bride? My brother can quote that entire scene starting from , "...the battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead..." to the part when Vizzini is laughing hysterically after he drinks the wine laced with iocane powder and falls to the ground. He can also rant off every sympton Bob Wiley states in What About Bob from, "...I get dizzy spells, nausau, cold sweats, (pause) hot sweats..." to "baby steps around the office, baby steps around the office." A ten minute long scene mind you.

It's sickening. I think it has to do with the guy's focus when he watches stage and screen. I remember sitting next to him when we were little and watching a movie and saying his name about twenty times until he would wake up from his trance and say, "what do you want", and then frog me in the arm. Maybe he was just ignoring me. Anyway.

I'm going to name off a few more full scenes he can recite off-hand at any time.

Home Alone - The part when Kevin McAllister's mom takes him upstairs ("...I am upstairs, dummy...") to punish him for running into Buzz ("you're such a moron") and spilling milk all over the kitchen counter. Exerpt: "I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck."

Princess Bride (again) - Miracle Max and his wife's (Valerie) discussion when they bring Westley back from the "mostly" dead. Exerpt: "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that. But that's not what he said. He distinctly said 'to blave.' And, as we all know, 'to blave' means 'to bluff.' So you're probably playing cards, and he cheated..."

In the Army Now - He can do most of the movie, but I like the part when Bones is pealing potatoes and loses count and says, "Sh%$, I lost count". Or, "Drill Seargant! I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?" I love that flick.

There are many many more but I won't overkill anything today.

Here's to you, Grantums, stay strong and watch more movies.

Hummers

I've had some work to partake in over at Bank of Oklahoma's BTC (Business Technology Center) a few times in the past few months and every time I arrive and start walking into the front doors of the building, there's a gargantuanly large Hummer parked directly outside of the main door. This is no H3... it's the bigger one, the H2 model of mammoth. It's very black and very chrome and so shiny and clean I use the side panel to check my teeth for items from lunch everytime I come back to work after a thrilling meal at Ron's Hamburgers (to be written about later).

Now I wouldn't have really had a problem with this machine, say 5 years ago, when they first came out in retail form. You see I lived in Woodward, OK, (to be written about later) at that time and I actually believed that the people driving these tanks around were using them on the farm or to hunt, and I thought they were pretty "bad A", hence my pacificy. But these are different times. I'm sure we are all aware that gas hit more than $3/gallon last summer and things don't look much better for the coming year. Folks in China and India are started to realize that driving their own, personal modes of transportation, actually inside of a compartment (not a scooter), is the hippest and most convenient way of getting from A to B. This wouldn't usually be a problem either, but we're not in usual times. The number of drivers in China and India are growing at an exponential rate, so demand of black gold is too.

Back to the Hummer in front of BOK... recap: it's very large, very clean, very black and chrome, and has the letters "DUB" plastered all over itself. DUB. Maybe for the owners last name... perhaps Williams or Walker. Maybe DUB is for support for their President, George "Dub"ya Bush. I personally think DUB stands for the owner's personal slogan, which reads: I am "DUB"iggest moron on earth.

The other morning it snowed and iced a bit in Tulsa. Now I would see this occurrence as a great opportunity and a much lacking warranted time to drive a 4x4 Hummer to work. But no. No Hummer in front for all to see and pass by. It could have gotten dirty. It was right in front the next day though... sunny and clear outside. Another example of misuse could be the typical "take the kids to soccer practice" argument which is actually pretty accurate too. I would be very comfortable in saying that probably more than 3/4 of Hummers that have been purchased in the last five years have never been taken off of pavement. Now let's look at the history of the Hummer and why it was developed. In 1979 the Army was looking for a new High Mobility Multi-Purpose Wheeled Vehicle (HMMWV). AM General competed in the development of a vehicle to meet the standards and needs of the military. The prototype HUMVEE was created. After 50,000 miles of extensive, repetitive testing, it was decided that the HUMVEE was the best vehicle for the job. In 1983 the U.S. Army awarded a $1.2 billion contract to AM General for 55,000 HUMVEES. Production immediately began on a vehicle dubbed the HUMMER M998. In 1992 a civilian model was introduced. These badboys were built for mud and ice soaked roads, artillery shelled/destroyed areas, and other "scarriest environment immaginable" driving areas. But Timmy and Tommy have soccer practice in 5 minutes. Hurry kids, jump in the Hummer.

To top off this ranting, I'll leave you with one final fact. The owner of the said Hummer is a woman who works here at BOK. That parking spot I talked about earlier that's right out front... it's the first available handicapped spot. The handicapped rear-view mirror sign is there for verification, but the sign and the handicapped classification is for the woman's husband. That's right, she parks there but it's not even her who's handicapped. It's her husband. I found out this information from a woman whose desk is right by hers. The Hummer is backed into the handicapped spot directly in front of the main doors everyday. God bless America, and their Hummers.

This "Hummer" American mentality as I like to call it transcends into many aspects of consumption and wanton waste. I read the other day that the average human being in the world, non-American, consumes on average 1.8 acres of agricultural product every year. The average American... 27 acres. Go figure. The average American household discards over 26% of the food they purchase as waste. Now I'm no "tree-hugging preservationist hippie", but I do believe in good stewardship and wise conservation. Chew on that.